Example 1
How Dawn highlighted her mathematical prowess without resume dumping and activity bragging!
Dawn is a student whose passion for Mathematics came through in almost every part of her application. Whether it was research, international competitions or perfect scores, she checked all the boxes of a top 10 applicant.
The question then became: how do we use the personal statement not to be a resume dump of Dawn’s already proven interests, but rather a space to add another multidimensional perspective to her narrative. Let’s take a look at a few ways Dawn did this:
Dawn's Personal Statement Excerpt
Yale class of 2028
My opponent and I knew the unspoken truth of the game: Connect Four was solved. Under perfect algorithmic play, the first player would always win regardless of my moves as the second player. The infallible laws of mathematics predetermined his success and my failure.
Gnawing at my lip, I dwelled on this: What was the point of playing a game I knew I couldn't win?
When writing her essay, we were able to support Dawn in showing that she explored mathematical concepts in unexpected ways and connected her interest to a larger question.
If she would have written:
“I am very passionate about mathematics and it has shaped how I see the world.”
This would be significantly less effective than Dawn showing us how she’s applied it.
For example, her observations about being the second player didn't end with the concept itself. She connected it to a larger question and a value she held.
Hence, I get a sense that Dawn is not just a mathematician, but rather someone exploring the question of whether it’s worth going beyond just “winning” as the first player!
What could have been a focus on “the math” is now a concept much more interesting to explore!
Going Beyond
Another student I worked with went from writing about her linguistics passion to showing how this passion inspired her to find community in unexpected places.
We moved away from writing about her academic interest to how this unusual passion inspired the way she chose to connect with others.
When I work with students who are stuck in going beyond the extracurriculars themselves, I challenge them to consider the following:
What questions, ideas or values are you interested in exploring and how has your background informed your unique approach?
This allows the personal statement to become the backstory to the work you’ve done rather than having your activities/resume become the focus of the essay!
Have I repeated what I am about to write elsewhere in my application?
Notice here what Dawn does in the essay excerpt above. She shows us her mathematical ability by her connections and doesn’t feel the need to repeat parts of her resume. The result being: I’m convinced!
I often get asked: Does this really work? Trust me, it absolutely does.
This essay, in combination with all her other gifts, landed her Yale, Princeton, Harvard, Stanford and MIT acceptances!
Generic vs. Specific Insights
| Specific, Personal Rewrite |
“I learned to step out of my comfort zone.” | “I shoved the egg in my mouth before I could second-guess, realizing growth dangles just beyond hesitation.” |
“I became more independent.” | “I noticed the silence in my kitchen felt less heavy once I trusted myself to cook alone.” |
Example 2
How David avoided the trap of looking like everyone else with a hardboiled egg!
Beyond ensuring that you are avoiding the resume dump, brag sheet and extracurricular repeat, you also want to check that what you choose to share isn’t the same as everyone else.
The truth is that you’re not the only person who feels deeply or gets nervous over a test or values compassion. The question is less about the trait you want to share and much more of, how do you personally embody it?
When David wrote about how a hard boiled egg shaped his lens on challenging preconceived notions, it would be easy for us to dismiss writing about a hardboiled egg as “irrelevant.”
Why in the world would an admissions officer at Harvard want to read about an egg? However, nothing could be more impactful than using something “ordinary” to show how you see the world. David writes:
David's Personal Statement Excerpt
Harvard Class of 2028
As I continued to explore, I eventually circles back to the hard-boiled egg. All rich descriptions of its flavor profile had been words to me: plagued by long-held preconceptions, I'd denied myself the experience. So one day, I shoved an egg into my mouth-a hasty attempt to outpace my usual hesitations. But my initial dread as soon as I but down gave way to satisfaction as I savored its flavoral subtleties and velvety consistency. While not as daring as sampling balut, this small adventure taugh
When David links the small adventure of trying the egg to a realization about challenging assumptions and embracing risk, he separates his essay from the rest.
What he chose to see that others may choose to ignore is what makes reading this interesting. It feels as if it is truly, uniquely him. I often know we are on the right track when a student says to me “I don’t think that’s important.” Chances are, the small details (like the egg) of the oh so seemingly insignificant story, are actually most likely the ones you want to share.
The question then lies in how you do this. If the goal is to sound so much like yourself that it can’t be repeated by anyone else, how exactly do you go from something totally generic like “I learned to get out of my comfort zone” to “this small adventure taught me that growth often dangles just beyond our comfort’s edge”? Here are a few questions you can ask yourself to gauge if you are headed in the right direction:
