Common App Essay Examples That Work (and Mistakes to Avoid)

This essay does an excellent job of capturing a unique life experience and using it to convey a distinctive sense of the writer’s voice, character, and worldview. It goes beyond the common trope of simply focusing on the positive and memorably shows admissions officers a number of compelling facets of a likeable person one can’t help but want to root for spanning buoyancy, curiosity, and sincerity.

Powerful lessons are drawn from a relatively simple, seemingly irrelevant interaction with a stranger (not sure if it was a stranger or not), which proves that a PS doesn’t need an extraordinary initial anecdote to work out well. Very good balance between externals and internals overall. Elegant and poignant observations/reflections, but I’d have liked to see more examples, both pre and post epiphany.

Overall the student does well in helping the reader understand that the simple act of winning and achieving is not enough, that a sense of personal enjoyment and fulfillment in learning and development is also an essential part of life. The use of Connect Four and Second Player as metaphors is a great idea, but needs some explaining, as it can be a bit confusing for the reader to understand their meaning throughout.

Through this essay, admissions officers are able to learn of a truly compassionate individual who strives to engage as deeply and earnestly with their environment as with the people in it. Besides how supremely structured the narrative is and how vivid the imagery is, the sum of the essay indicates that this would be a student sure to fully and meaningfully immerse in the breadth of enriching experiences that await across a campus’ resources and student community.

Overall, the student paints a beautiful picture of resilience, family ties and cultural roots. The big thing the paper needs is a more robust explanation about how the student has grown through this experience. The Hindu hymns could be expanded upon, including how the student first learned them and what significance they have for the family. We need a bit more focus on the student’s development; apart from the moments where they mention stepping in to support family, the reader doesn’t actually know much about the student.

Detail-rich intro that pulls the reader into the scene. Good balance of internals and externals. Clear articulation of the essay’s dilemma feels thoughtful, not generic. “Devaluation” adds depth. Would benefit from time markers. Concrete examples of how this shift played out in daily life would make the takeaway feel more grounded.

The introduction definitely needs work, as the essay very quickly names the challenge the student is facing without first setting the stage for the reader to grasp the overall direction of the narrative. The body paragraphs of the essay offer great imagery and detail, but are full of exposition rather than reflection. With a little more specificity and introspection regarding the student’s multivaried changes in behavior and performance, the essay would be much stronger.

Many details throughout this essay suggest promising avenues for potentially meaningful reflection, but the structure overall suffers from a lack of focus regarding what story it means to develop, what conflict it wishes to resolve, and what takeaways it aims to convey. Admissions officers would be left feeling uncertain what they’ve learned about the writer by the conclusion, as there is a mixed bag of attributes that cover the scope of the types of things that students often mistake as “what admissions officers want to hear” (e.g. aspirational inclinations, overcoming hardship, community service, etc).

By anchoring the essay to one central challenge/attribute and selectively developing the details and reflections that most organically and compellingly derive from that story and those themes, the writer would much more effectively depict a clear sense of what has shaped them and what matters to them, who they are and who they aim to become, and what the sum therefore suggests about their alignment with the culture and the values of the campus they’re reaching for.

The student needs to be much clearer on the tension they’re confronting, and how that tension transcends into their everyday life. There is evidence given by the student that their newly found approach to painting has enriched their everyday lifestyle and behaviors, but it’s “telling” rather than showing. The reader does not experience change and growth alongside the student, nor are they even a passenger on the journey. Here, we are observing from a distance and must take the writer’s narrative at face value rather than experience a deeper connection. Increased introspection and a tighter narrative focus would have benefitted this essay.

There is such promising potential in this essay for the reflections on “warm and fuzzies” to illuminate the nature of this writer’s distinct sense of gratitude and interconnectedness with individuals, realities, and worldviews beyond their own. However, each sentiment or realization that arises appears to spring out of nowhere rather than derive naturally from the events that precede them in the narrative. Because the transitions and the conclusion all feel a bit erratic and forced, the writer risks coming across as too disingenuous for admissions officers to know quite what to make of who they are, what matters to them, and who they’re likely to be in the context of campus life or beyond.

The interaction between the student and the kid, which seems to be the backbone anecdote of the essay, isn’t linear; it doesn’t take us from point A to B. It’s just awkward questions and disconnected observations from the student. Additionally, I don’t think singling out an infant cancer patient I met randomly and centering our interaction as the thing that made me question my life and how I’m living it is that original of an idea. It also feels that the student might be just reaching to draw all of these reflections and conclusions (none of which lead to a coherent, transformative result in the student’s life, by the way) from a short and seemingly superficial conversation.

The student uses good imagery and description to paint a picture of the injury and their impact of losing almost total use of one eye on their everyday life. There is room for much more detail to be included in the beginning of the essay, particularly concerning the impact of the injury on the student’s self-esteem and overall self-confidence at the beginning. These changes would make the student’s recovery and positive outlook seem even more striking and impressive as the narrative develops throughout the essay.